This is so relatable—I think most of us, especially women, have probably had this feeling many times. It's also unfortunate we live in a culture that necessitates taking pictures of everything and everyone all the time. It makes us hyperfixated on what the version that's presented of us looks like and how we might control that. thank you for sharing!
The way I cried in the shower listening to this, and especially this part: "I should be so much better by now, I think. I’ve had all this time, I remind myself." Sometimes I think, I wish I'd always been this size because even though I know I've have to work on self-acceptance, would it be easier than thinking, "I know what I COULD be doing to be smaller and I'm just not doing it" or knowing a version of myself I used to be? Probably not, but these are the thoughts. Thank you so much for talking about this so vulnerably. I appreciate it so, so deeply.
I wrote about a very similar topic recently. I've found myself avoiding my own likeness (post weight gain) and therefore have no real concept of what I look like. It's jarring. I don't want it to be, so I'm taking the exposure approach: the more I view myself from all angles, the less jarred I will be in the future. I love the idea of layering gratitude into that. And it's always good to know I am not alone :)
I love this and have found a similar approach helps me. I take self videos when I'm feeling particularly insecure or self conscious. I find we all take some shit photos from crap angles. But when you see someone moving through the world, with all of their self, its impossible not to love the magic and beauty of it. I have found I am so much more appreciative of myself when I can step back and see myself as others see me. In motion - with emotion. doing things I love. Being silly, and serious, and sad.
Hi Olivia, I literally could not listen/read this one (I chose the podcast first for your lovely voice) then switched back to text so I had more control of the content; but the finishing paragraph: "Of course I don’t know how to recognize myself. I never learned how to point out the things that actually mattered. I recognize myself in the fight, though. I see the way I kick and scratch and push at the notion that I don’t deserve any of this. I see myself in the stubbornness, the commitment, the fight. I see myself and I nod, assured, comforted. I see myself and I am proud."
.... is going on a post-it above my desk. Stay proud and strong and the wonderful ambassador we all love and see aspiration within, and I will too remember the strength, the fight, the "if nothing else I am dang stubborn+"'my therapist points out to me, and that makes ME proud.
You really are magnificent - glimmers abound unto you
Thank you so much for writing this. I cried when I listened a few days ago and came back to it tonight for more comfort and to share with my partner. He is trying to have gratitude and not constantly be judging himself in photos - your words really helped. Thank you thank you for sharing ♥️
Oh all of this. "I am all at once impossibly small and the largest thing in any room." lives in my head every day. But then I attempt the pivot to "but I deserve to be large in this room, darn it". Why can not we all just start at that place in this silly game. We deserve to be here in any form.
This is so relatable—I think most of us, especially women, have probably had this feeling many times. It's also unfortunate we live in a culture that necessitates taking pictures of everything and everyone all the time. It makes us hyperfixated on what the version that's presented of us looks like and how we might control that. thank you for sharing!
Thank you for reading, Teresa!
The way I cried in the shower listening to this, and especially this part: "I should be so much better by now, I think. I’ve had all this time, I remind myself." Sometimes I think, I wish I'd always been this size because even though I know I've have to work on self-acceptance, would it be easier than thinking, "I know what I COULD be doing to be smaller and I'm just not doing it" or knowing a version of myself I used to be? Probably not, but these are the thoughts. Thank you so much for talking about this so vulnerably. I appreciate it so, so deeply.
I know this feeling very well!!! Thank you for sharing your own thoughts and, of course, for reading <3
I wrote about a very similar topic recently. I've found myself avoiding my own likeness (post weight gain) and therefore have no real concept of what I look like. It's jarring. I don't want it to be, so I'm taking the exposure approach: the more I view myself from all angles, the less jarred I will be in the future. I love the idea of layering gratitude into that. And it's always good to know I am not alone :)
I love this!
I love this and have found a similar approach helps me. I take self videos when I'm feeling particularly insecure or self conscious. I find we all take some shit photos from crap angles. But when you see someone moving through the world, with all of their self, its impossible not to love the magic and beauty of it. I have found I am so much more appreciative of myself when I can step back and see myself as others see me. In motion - with emotion. doing things I love. Being silly, and serious, and sad.
This is such a great point, Sharon!
Hi Olivia, I literally could not listen/read this one (I chose the podcast first for your lovely voice) then switched back to text so I had more control of the content; but the finishing paragraph: "Of course I don’t know how to recognize myself. I never learned how to point out the things that actually mattered. I recognize myself in the fight, though. I see the way I kick and scratch and push at the notion that I don’t deserve any of this. I see myself in the stubbornness, the commitment, the fight. I see myself and I nod, assured, comforted. I see myself and I am proud."
.... is going on a post-it above my desk. Stay proud and strong and the wonderful ambassador we all love and see aspiration within, and I will too remember the strength, the fight, the "if nothing else I am dang stubborn+"'my therapist points out to me, and that makes ME proud.
You really are magnificent - glimmers abound unto you
Thank you so very much! <3
This was so deeply relatable. Thank you. 🩷
Damn, Olivia. I am going to be thinking about this for awhile. This really spoke to me. Thank you for sharing your raw honesty with us.
(I am about 50 pages into SABI and absolutely loving it)
I'm so glad to hear that! And you're so welcome. Thanks for reading!
Thank you so much for writing this. I cried when I listened a few days ago and came back to it tonight for more comfort and to share with my partner. He is trying to have gratitude and not constantly be judging himself in photos - your words really helped. Thank you thank you for sharing ♥️
This is so sweet. <3
Listened to it the other day (and cried). Read it again today and sent it to my sister. So many of us can relate ♥️
None of us are alone in it, that's for sure! Thank you for reading (and sharing!).
🌬️🎠🎀
Oh all of this. "I am all at once impossibly small and the largest thing in any room." lives in my head every day. But then I attempt the pivot to "but I deserve to be large in this room, darn it". Why can not we all just start at that place in this silly game. We deserve to be here in any form.
It's a relief to know it's not just me! And yes, you're so right. <3