This resonates a lot as someone who talks terribly to myself allll the time. Love this: "When I am nicer to myself, I tend to move on more quickly, bounce back more easily." I love the reminder to move forward and not get too mired in a mistake or the past.
This was a beautiful illustration of self-compassion! Self-compassion permits us to still hold ourselves accountable but to do it with warmth and gentleness. Even when we make mistakes, we are worthy of kindness. It’s definitely not how most of us were conditioned to think or talk to ourselves though.
Absolutely resonated with me - I read No Bad Parts - https://ifs-institute.com/nobadparts - which really helped me reframe the different voices I hear within myself and provide space for them to exist while also not allowing them to define everything.
The timing on this - I just had a conversation with friend last night about being mean to myself. Self kindness seems so much more attainable than self love. Also the zoom out technique is very helpful!!!
Love this, it really got me emotional. Am saving this part as a reminder to be kinder to myself: It was an impossible bar and I had trained myself to berate myself for not reaching it, anyway, every time.
"Shouldn’t we also know what it’s like to be our own biggest fans, our own biggest cheerleaders, our number one supporters? . . . " What a great question. I'm wa-a-a-ay older that you are, and I'm still battling the tendency toward negative self-talk. In fact, I think I'm more aware of it now, as I edge into my 80s, than I was as a younger adult. Although I haven't gotten very far in re-learning how to talk to myself, I'm still working on it, and I really appreciate your essay. Decades ago there was no Google map to zoom out from, so I've tried to keep my perspective by asking myself "In the cosmic scheme of things, does this [failure/gaffe/shortcoming] really matter?" Just learn from it and get on with loving the world!
I love this post! Self-love seems so hard to achieve. It's sort of the buzzword (or phrase?) right now and seems like a tall mountain to climb? Self-kindness seems a bit easier. I also TOTALLY relate to the idea of, "If I'm nice to myself, that means I'll just let myself go. Being tough on myself is holding myself accountable." It's SO HARD to shake that belief system! This post was such a good reminder of that...I'm definitely still a work in progress with it but found this super helpful so thank you!
Wow Olivia! I was just driving somewhere, listening to the audio version and it seriously made me tear up! I had a day of feeling a fraud, an impostor and more and this hit right home. Thank you for sharing 🤍💔
This resonates a lot as someone who talks terribly to myself allll the time. Love this: "When I am nicer to myself, I tend to move on more quickly, bounce back more easily." I love the reminder to move forward and not get too mired in a mistake or the past.
This was a beautiful illustration of self-compassion! Self-compassion permits us to still hold ourselves accountable but to do it with warmth and gentleness. Even when we make mistakes, we are worthy of kindness. It’s definitely not how most of us were conditioned to think or talk to ourselves though.
Absolutely resonated with me - I read No Bad Parts - https://ifs-institute.com/nobadparts - which really helped me reframe the different voices I hear within myself and provide space for them to exist while also not allowing them to define everything.
The timing on this - I just had a conversation with friend last night about being mean to myself. Self kindness seems so much more attainable than self love. Also the zoom out technique is very helpful!!!
I love this concept of radical self-kindness, and today I really needed the reminder that it’s good to be kind to yourself. Thank you 🤍
Such a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing it.
Love this, it really got me emotional. Am saving this part as a reminder to be kinder to myself: It was an impossible bar and I had trained myself to berate myself for not reaching it, anyway, every time.
"Shouldn’t we also know what it’s like to be our own biggest fans, our own biggest cheerleaders, our number one supporters? . . . " What a great question. I'm wa-a-a-ay older that you are, and I'm still battling the tendency toward negative self-talk. In fact, I think I'm more aware of it now, as I edge into my 80s, than I was as a younger adult. Although I haven't gotten very far in re-learning how to talk to myself, I'm still working on it, and I really appreciate your essay. Decades ago there was no Google map to zoom out from, so I've tried to keep my perspective by asking myself "In the cosmic scheme of things, does this [failure/gaffe/shortcoming] really matter?" Just learn from it and get on with loving the world!
What a powerful read. Thank you for writing this piece.
I love this post! Self-love seems so hard to achieve. It's sort of the buzzword (or phrase?) right now and seems like a tall mountain to climb? Self-kindness seems a bit easier. I also TOTALLY relate to the idea of, "If I'm nice to myself, that means I'll just let myself go. Being tough on myself is holding myself accountable." It's SO HARD to shake that belief system! This post was such a good reminder of that...I'm definitely still a work in progress with it but found this super helpful so thank you!
Wow Olivia! I was just driving somewhere, listening to the audio version and it seriously made me tear up! I had a day of feeling a fraud, an impostor and more and this hit right home. Thank you for sharing 🤍💔
I totally needed to hear this today. Going to find an old pic...