I cackled at Dream Matte Mousse. That one lived deep in the archives of my brain.
My therapist calls my endless want to optimize as "should-ing myself" which is a little lol and helps me gut check when my brain tells me "I should wake up at 5am and workout for 45 minutes then shower and do my hair before getting my kid out the door and being at my desk for an 8am meeting." Like should I really? Who is this for? Do I want to do all that or is it, like you said, the shame in not doing the most at all times the real problem.
I feel like so much of this attitude bleeds over from corporate world "maximizing profits" attitude. If you spend 8+ hours a day during the week being told to optimize (whatever that means for your specific job) it is SO HARD to turn that off when you get home/offline. And then we spend all this time and money trying to figure out how to stop burnout. I'm all for making life easier by thinking through the path of least resistance in your routine (recently moved my nespresso machine into my bathroom and woah game changer) but maybe every minute doesn't need to be "the most productive" in every facet of life?
this is so interesting bc i sometimes feel really inadequate (and, tbh, envious) when you describe your cozy mornings and lovely home on BOP. i have a pretty hectic schedule and live in a minimalistic rented flat and will often fantasize about the perfect slow morning in a beautiful home. reading this reminded me that everyone's life is their own, not something to be endlessly optimized and compared. thank you as always for your authenticity. 💖
This is very kind. I do love my life, but I still find myself wondering if another person's house/morning routine/habits would make me better or happier. All! The! Time! It's a universal, thing, I think.
This is so on point. A lot of these expectations for consistency and routine often ignore our cyclical nature as well! Like in spring and summer, my mornings look so different than in fall and winter. Add in a monthly cycle and I’ve found much more peace in going with my flow while developing slightly healthier habits than any consistent routine ever brought me.
Yes! I wake up later in winter and always feel kind of bad about it but... this is just normal! It's ok to let things shift and change. I mean, the weather does, the garden does, etc. and we don't fault any of it! It makes sense.
Not to be all, "ugh, capitalism," but also....UGH CAPITALISM. So much of the work of being human these days is just having to contend with the persistent, ongoing effort to untether our value from our optimization. It's exhausting!
Every single word of this resonated deeply — I’m also a former beauty editor, turned influencer, I have a newsletter now, obsessed with morning routines, & I also would get annoyed tbh at the superiority some people on Substack have about it being soooo much better over here vs other social platforms when it IS a social platform(!!!). When you shared your impulse to constantly *package* your creative ideas…oof. That is me right now. Trying to move beyond it 💜
I’m really impressed with how your writing voice sounds so much like you talking (I listened to the audio version). The best personal essays often match up, so really just blown away by that skill you’ve honed
Oh wow - when do we actually take a step back and ponder how that optimized life is actually going to better us? And consider that the unoptimized life might just be a good way to live, in all of its messy “imperfection”? We’re always focused on the end goal of perfect optimization and it clouds our perspective. Thanks for putting this into words - I needed to hear this.
This hit my inbox at exactly the right moment - I'm trying to juggle too many things at one time and yesterday I decided the problem is that I haven't optimized my time correctly. I just need a prioritized to-do list that starts at 6AM. When I should probably just ask for help? Thanks for the reality check.
Also Wish Upon A Star lives rent free in my head forever and always.
Ooooh, yes. Asking for help is another thing. I think so many of us think that our schedules/habits are the problem, when really we could just probably use support from outside ourselves (or, you know, things like a better healthcare system... social safety nets, etc.). Sigh!
Your essay resonated with me and reminded me of something Leslie Stephens wrote about in her newsletter last month. Leslie said that clothes have been her ticket to her ideal self. I'm such a striver in so many ways that it is hard for me not to fixate on optimizing my mornings and curating perfect outfits. I'm not sure what the solution is for me other than to become more aware and reflect on how I want to show up.
Love all of Leslie's work so much! And oh my gosh, yes. I have felt this way about clothes MANY, MANY times in my life (maybe any time I've ever impulse shopped/swiped up?). It's very hard!
As someone who has recently embraced the habit of waking up early—after 38 years of never, ever considering myself a morning person—this really resonated with me (not to mention the nostalgic bits that have me craving a Lizzie McGuire binge and absolutely needing a rewatch of Wish Upon a Star). This is especially thought-provoking re: the days I don’t wake up early, reflecting on how I treat myself and the narratives I unconsciously adopt about how my day will go, simply because the world has fed me certain expectations. Thank you for this!
This is such a good point. I love routine so much, but I find that it is actually much more effective when I don't shame myself for the times I 'fail' at it.
I related to so much here. I feel like I’ve been searching for the perfect combination of routines and rituals that will finally make me feel like I’ve unlocked peak levels of aspirational human since I was a pre-teen. It’s exhausting!
I cackled at Dream Matte Mousse. That one lived deep in the archives of my brain.
My therapist calls my endless want to optimize as "should-ing myself" which is a little lol and helps me gut check when my brain tells me "I should wake up at 5am and workout for 45 minutes then shower and do my hair before getting my kid out the door and being at my desk for an 8am meeting." Like should I really? Who is this for? Do I want to do all that or is it, like you said, the shame in not doing the most at all times the real problem.
Should-ing is a very real thing!!! Smart therapist.
Also "who is this for?" is SUCH an interesting question and one I could probably stand to ask myself more.
I feel like so much of this attitude bleeds over from corporate world "maximizing profits" attitude. If you spend 8+ hours a day during the week being told to optimize (whatever that means for your specific job) it is SO HARD to turn that off when you get home/offline. And then we spend all this time and money trying to figure out how to stop burnout. I'm all for making life easier by thinking through the path of least resistance in your routine (recently moved my nespresso machine into my bathroom and woah game changer) but maybe every minute doesn't need to be "the most productive" in every facet of life?
Wait do I need to move my Nespresso machine to the bathroom too???? I want shower coffee!!!
But this is all so great, and I think corporate mindsets absolutely play a HUUUGE part in all of it as well. Such a good point.
Such a good point! When I’m off, I love to intentionally do things slowly and inefficiently sometimes haha. It makes me feel better.
this is so interesting bc i sometimes feel really inadequate (and, tbh, envious) when you describe your cozy mornings and lovely home on BOP. i have a pretty hectic schedule and live in a minimalistic rented flat and will often fantasize about the perfect slow morning in a beautiful home. reading this reminded me that everyone's life is their own, not something to be endlessly optimized and compared. thank you as always for your authenticity. 💖
This is very kind. I do love my life, but I still find myself wondering if another person's house/morning routine/habits would make me better or happier. All! The! Time! It's a universal, thing, I think.
Appreciate you sharing/reading <3
This is so on point. A lot of these expectations for consistency and routine often ignore our cyclical nature as well! Like in spring and summer, my mornings look so different than in fall and winter. Add in a monthly cycle and I’ve found much more peace in going with my flow while developing slightly healthier habits than any consistent routine ever brought me.
Yes! I wake up later in winter and always feel kind of bad about it but... this is just normal! It's ok to let things shift and change. I mean, the weather does, the garden does, etc. and we don't fault any of it! It makes sense.
Not to be all, "ugh, capitalism," but also....UGH CAPITALISM. So much of the work of being human these days is just having to contend with the persistent, ongoing effort to untether our value from our optimization. It's exhausting!
UGH CAPITALISM is also very, very correct! 100%.
Every single word of this resonated deeply — I’m also a former beauty editor, turned influencer, I have a newsletter now, obsessed with morning routines, & I also would get annoyed tbh at the superiority some people on Substack have about it being soooo much better over here vs other social platforms when it IS a social platform(!!!). When you shared your impulse to constantly *package* your creative ideas…oof. That is me right now. Trying to move beyond it 💜
It's very hard to move beyond it when your brain is in 'pitch/package' mode for years and years. It's a struggle! I'm right there with you.
I’m really impressed with how your writing voice sounds so much like you talking (I listened to the audio version). The best personal essays often match up, so really just blown away by that skill you’ve honed
This is such a specific and flattering compliment. Thank you, Amanda!
Oh wow - when do we actually take a step back and ponder how that optimized life is actually going to better us? And consider that the unoptimized life might just be a good way to live, in all of its messy “imperfection”? We’re always focused on the end goal of perfect optimization and it clouds our perspective. Thanks for putting this into words - I needed to hear this.
The unoptimized life is good too <3
Thank you for reading.
This hit my inbox at exactly the right moment - I'm trying to juggle too many things at one time and yesterday I decided the problem is that I haven't optimized my time correctly. I just need a prioritized to-do list that starts at 6AM. When I should probably just ask for help? Thanks for the reality check.
Also Wish Upon A Star lives rent free in my head forever and always.
Ooooh, yes. Asking for help is another thing. I think so many of us think that our schedules/habits are the problem, when really we could just probably use support from outside ourselves (or, you know, things like a better healthcare system... social safety nets, etc.). Sigh!
Enjoyed this, as a fellow emo pisces who has had all these exact thoughts -- as I enjoy all your writing!
Absolutely loved this. Thank you.
Thank YOU for reading <3
The ending! Amazing.
Thank you, Molly. :)
Your essay resonated with me and reminded me of something Leslie Stephens wrote about in her newsletter last month. Leslie said that clothes have been her ticket to her ideal self. I'm such a striver in so many ways that it is hard for me not to fixate on optimizing my mornings and curating perfect outfits. I'm not sure what the solution is for me other than to become more aware and reflect on how I want to show up.
Love all of Leslie's work so much! And oh my gosh, yes. I have felt this way about clothes MANY, MANY times in my life (maybe any time I've ever impulse shopped/swiped up?). It's very hard!
As someone who has recently embraced the habit of waking up early—after 38 years of never, ever considering myself a morning person—this really resonated with me (not to mention the nostalgic bits that have me craving a Lizzie McGuire binge and absolutely needing a rewatch of Wish Upon a Star). This is especially thought-provoking re: the days I don’t wake up early, reflecting on how I treat myself and the narratives I unconsciously adopt about how my day will go, simply because the world has fed me certain expectations. Thank you for this!
This is such a good point. I love routine so much, but I find that it is actually much more effective when I don't shame myself for the times I 'fail' at it.
I related to so much here. I feel like I’ve been searching for the perfect combination of routines and rituals that will finally make me feel like I’ve unlocked peak levels of aspirational human since I was a pre-teen. It’s exhausting!
It IS so exhausting!!! That is a great word.
OMG the perfume and the matte foundation just brought me back to such ma specific time
Same!!!