I don't want to be a bummer but I'm 51 and also still a work in progress. I saw a TikTok (I'm single-handedly destroying every content creator's demographics I guess) that said something like be nice to your Mom because it's her first time living too. We are all new at figuring things out. Sure, I have a lot more years of not caring anymore what people think of my home decor, but I'm still regularly stymied by things like, "I have to call a surveyor? They still exist?" and "How do I behave at a friend's CHILD'S graduation party and how am I old enough to have friends whose children are graduating?"
That's fair! Thank you for the perspective. I guess it's this idea of "I'll be happy when..." or "I'll be confident when..." or "I'll know better when..." verus accepting that that day doesn't really ever arrive, so you have to figure out how to feel good in the meantime!!
Whenever I give a house tour to anyone, it quickly becomes a tour of all the things that we will eventually fix. It was so validating to see that I'm not alone in doing this! It's such a hard habit to break.
this literally popped up on my phone as I was cleaning in anticipation of my parents seeing my new home for the first time 😵💫 appreciated insight as always!
Oh, the parents seeing your place for the first time is a real struggle. Mine are always like, "We're family. It shouldn't stress you out!" and I'm like yes but I am STRESSED.
This...all of this. Just hosted a cousin and her husband for dinner and as I walked them through our home I proceed to rattle off the changes afoot and the completed renovations to date. Sigh, Just say Here is where we live - let's go get some wine.
I too have been TOO self aware, too anticipatory of reactions and safeguarded myself against them preemptively. I feel grateful for the work I’ve done to pretty successfully eradicate the tendency, but it doesn’t just disappear from your brain even then. Relatable and powerful as always.
I'm glad I'm not alone. But it's exhausting, right??? I wonder if I need to stop assuming that I'll grow out of the thoughts and instead just interact with them differently. I'm not sure. A work in progress!!
I don't want to be a bummer but I'm 51 and also still a work in progress. I saw a TikTok (I'm single-handedly destroying every content creator's demographics I guess) that said something like be nice to your Mom because it's her first time living too. We are all new at figuring things out. Sure, I have a lot more years of not caring anymore what people think of my home decor, but I'm still regularly stymied by things like, "I have to call a surveyor? They still exist?" and "How do I behave at a friend's CHILD'S graduation party and how am I old enough to have friends whose children are graduating?"
That's fair! Thank you for the perspective. I guess it's this idea of "I'll be happy when..." or "I'll be confident when..." or "I'll know better when..." verus accepting that that day doesn't really ever arrive, so you have to figure out how to feel good in the meantime!!
You've got this, Olivia. Loved your book, love your substack, love you on BoP!
Thank you so very much!
59 yo over here...and still figuring out how I am this old.
Whenever I give a house tour to anyone, it quickly becomes a tour of all the things that we will eventually fix. It was so validating to see that I'm not alone in doing this! It's such a hard habit to break.
Yes! Exactly this. Even when I promise myself not to do this, I end up blurting out some obscure hidden defect.
Same here! Rather than a tour of my house it becomes a tour of all the house projects we haven't completed yet 🥴
this literally popped up on my phone as I was cleaning in anticipation of my parents seeing my new home for the first time 😵💫 appreciated insight as always!
Oh, the parents seeing your place for the first time is a real struggle. Mine are always like, "We're family. It shouldn't stress you out!" and I'm like yes but I am STRESSED.
I hope it was wonderful in the end!
I relate to this so deeply! Thank you for putting it into writing. 💜
You're so welcome. Thank you for taking the time to read!
This...all of this. Just hosted a cousin and her husband for dinner and as I walked them through our home I proceed to rattle off the changes afoot and the completed renovations to date. Sigh, Just say Here is where we live - let's go get some wine.
It's so hard not to!!! Honestly, yes. "Here is where we live, let's go get some wine." Yes. Get me this on a T-shirt please.
I too have been TOO self aware, too anticipatory of reactions and safeguarded myself against them preemptively. I feel grateful for the work I’ve done to pretty successfully eradicate the tendency, but it doesn’t just disappear from your brain even then. Relatable and powerful as always.
I'm glad I'm not alone. But it's exhausting, right??? I wonder if I need to stop assuming that I'll grow out of the thoughts and instead just interact with them differently. I'm not sure. A work in progress!!
Oh man, as someone who quite literally has guests coming today for the week, this hits extra hard.
Haha, the pre-guests panic swirl is very universal, it seems!! I am comforted. Hope your visit went great.
Just what I needed to hear as I prep for a housewarming that I don’t feel ready for! Eloquent and thought provoking as always @olivia
I hope the housewarming was great!! Thanks for reading <3