Eat the damn frog!

And other remedies for procrastination.

Note to reader/listener: Be sure to check out the audio version of this essay for more insights into my experience with procrastination, and some ideas for how I’m going to be using Substack this year!

If a stranger were to glance at my daily to-do list and — this part is key — they were somehow magically granted the ability to easily read my handwriting, there would be a lot to take in. There are tasks that are straight-forward, yes: Five year journal, 3 p.m. meeting, pay taxes. Simple enough. Then there are things that are abbreviated reminders: Check $ (a reminder to glance at my bank accounts and credit card statements — the first thing on my to-do list every day that helps me stay accountable when it comes to spending and tracking invoices), for example. There’s also the stuff that’s just plain weird, like “bubbles,” which is a reminder to check in on my monthly goal-tracking bubble system, where I go through hard-hitting questions like did I floss yesterday? Did I finish a book? Go a walk? If yes, I fill in/cross out a bubble. You get the idea. Now, look, I could break down each item on my to-do list here happily, but today I’m here to discuss the one other part of my to-do list that is often present. On almost every to-do list, next to at least one bulleted item, are three words: EAT THE FROG. Or, sometimes, if we’re being honest: EAT THE DAMN FROG! Or, EAT THE FROG, YOU IDIOT! (We’re getting better at self-talk this year, ok?)

I couldn’t tell you where I first saw this phrase, but apparently it’s attributed to Mark Twain, and in essence it means do the hardest task of the day first. In other words, whatever that task is that you’re putting off, just get it over with already. Just do it. Stop drawing a little arrow through it at the end of every day and telling yourself you’ll do it tomorrow, Olivia, because you will not. You will avoid the task for weeks and with each day that goes by without you getting the thing done, it will only grow larger in your mind. The task will become bigger and scarier and morph into something more daunting than seems possible. You will keep moving said task to the next day right into oblivion, until you are so far past the acceptable window of, say, returning the item that you should have returned two months ago that now you’re just stuck with it until you list it on Poshmark and trust me, you will then manage put off that task, too. Because at this point, you’ve let the stupid, $30 ill-fitting bathing suit you bought and didn’t return in a timely manner shape shift into something else entirely. It’s not longer just a small thing, but an example of an inherent lack of focus, or organization, or willpower. It pops into your head at odd times, like some impossible-to-forget, humiliating memory from middle school that just won’t go away.

In the past, I’ve described (and I think, written about) my anxiety, or my brain in general, as feeling like one of those giant, rainbow-colored Wheel of Fortune wheels. It’s as if I can feel it spinning round and round and I know it’s going to land on something eventually, and I’m constantly trying to make sure it doesn’t. (Through therapy, I’ve learned that sometimes just letting yourself feel the thing instead of fighting it so hard is more helpful, but that’s a work in progress). I feel it slowing down and dread sets in, waiting to see what it lands on. On Wheel of Fortune, I guess, the various sections of the wheel are dollar amounts, or, like, trips to Cabo. A trio of free jet skis. A new Hyundai Sonata. In my head, the sections are things like: A completely normal social interaction I think I have flubbed. A memory of a mistake I made at work. An innocuous physical symptom that I will eventually convince myself is cancer. And man, I can’t even tell you how many times the wheel lands on That Thing That I Know I Should Do But Keep Putting Off.

I do this with more things than just returns, too. Writing is the easiest example. The longer I put off doing it, the scarier it becomes. The more impossible it seems. And good God, can I do this with exercise, too. Later today, I’ll say. No, tomorrow. No, next week. On and on it goes. And look, this is just life sometimes. It is. I don’t believe that being so disciplined that you find shame in every deviation from your routine is helpful at all. Let me tell you, I’ve tried the shame strategy. I’ve tried it for years. That shit does not work. This year, I’ve decided to be nicer to myself than ever, which actually feels slightly strange to type out, but so far I find is working. And being nice to myself right now — nicer than ever, in fact — means also being honest about what I need to feel like myself. And to be honest, something I really, really need in 2024 is much, much less of this procrastination cycle in my life.

In the past, my strategy for finally getting the stupid thing done (whatever that may be) has been writing ‘EAT THE FROG’ in big fat letters next to the task on my daily to-do list. And though I can’t say it’s motivated me to get the thing done every single time, there’s something about seeing the phrase there that usually jolts me out of my procrastination spiral and makes me finally just get it over with. And yeah, yeah, I know you know what’s coming: Usually, the thing takes just a few minutes. Usually, it’s way easier than I anticipated. Always, it makes me feel better.

As you may remember from last week’s post, my goal this year is to take better care of myself. And though it’s perhaps the least glamorous iteration of self-care I can imagine, part of that process (for me) means to stop procrastinating. I know, I know, taking long baths while watching 90 Day Fiancé and doing a face masks sounds way more fun. But alas, that doesn’t help me get my shit together. (Also, I don’t have a bathtub and face masks make me break out.) I thought about my tendency to put things off earlier this week when I started reinstating a habit that I started at the end of last year (though, admittedly, did not keep up with). For as long as I can remember, I’ve been ending my work days by making my to-do list for tomorrow. If there’s one general life tip I can give you, it’s to do this. This means I’ve overviewed my schedule for the next day, outlined what needs to get done, and it generally just helps me feel more prepared for life. The next morning, before I dive into work, I review the list and then get started. My newest addition to this process has been to assign time slots to each tasks.

Earlier this week, for example, I assigned 10 tasks to the first hour of my work day, half of which were things I had been putting off for days or weeks. Now, my procrastination brain says the tasks are stupid or annoying or tedious and so I should just deal with them later. My rational brain knows that they can easily get done in a few minutes, so I schedule them accordingly. I don’t give them a three hour time slot on my to-do list when I know they’ll take 15 minutes. And guess what (are you on the edge of your seat yet, or what?)? They got done. I was able to check them off my list and move onto more meaningful work without them hanging over my head. I didn’t even have to write ‘EAT THE DAMN FROG, YOU RIDICULOUS FOOL!’ next to it in order to get it done. The time slot hack did the trick instead.

There are more benefits to this habit, too. Maybe most importantly, it makes me realize how easily I push aside things like cooking for myself, exercise, and taking breaks when I don’t schedule my days efficiently, or I oversleep. And that’s the thing, this no-more-procrastination thing isn’t really about getting more work done, but about feeling good at the end of each day. And, sure, that includes feeling on top of my work load. But it also means making real time for everything else, too. It means giving my brain enough room to breathe and consider what it needs instead of constantly spinning, spinning, spinning, always one thought away from remember that thing I Ought To Do.

Anyway, consider this my first dispatch from a year of radical self-kindness. My goal is to be gentle with myself and honest. My goal is to get things done that make me feel my best. My goal is to write. My goal is to have that damn rainbow wheel land on something good sometimes, too.

Be sure to check out the audio version of this essay for more insights into my experience with procrastination, and some ideas for how I’m going to be using Substack this year!

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